** This story was written by Christopher Ryan and Fritz Lehman.  We hope you enjoy it!
http://www.fritzandchris.com
*most random quotes were actually said at one time, and can be found at http://www.fritz-lehman.com/readings/quotes.txt
Now...

"The Hamburger Maker"
Enjoy!...

One time when Han Erb was only slightly shorter then he is now, Brennan and
Jon Ansel decided to steal the slide off of the McDonalds playplace. they
needed it for their evil plot that happened to involve a lot of large
plastic tubes. Now Brennan decided that Jon Ansel would steal a truck at
4:00am and drive it back in time to meet Han Erb at the play place at 3:00am.
The only problem with this plan, Jon thought, was that they didn't know how
to go back in time. So they revised the plan so that Jon would steal the
truck at 2:00 instead. When Jon pulled up outside of McDonald's, he and Brennan climbed
on top of the roof and made a large hole to take the slide out of. Han came
out of the place where he was hiding in the playplace, and they started to
detach the slide. however, because all he brought was a large rubber chicken
in his toolbox, they decided to bash the connections until they broke. it
took along time, and by the time they were done with the first piece, the
breakfast shift had already begun, so they asked to borrow a couple of
screwdrivers. The staff gave them the screwdrivers, and in no time at all
they finished the heist, and loaded the pieces into the stolen truck, and
drove off at 3:05(for some unknown reason they had hit some sort of time anomaly). then they went on to become masters of the earth, and the entire Galaxy.

Most people would think that that was the end of the story, but they would be wrong. A really long way away, in New Zealand, Christopher Ryan was working on creating a teleporter system. At 9:00 he was just starting to figure out how to get it to work. He decided to test it, and all of the sudden, a truck crammed full of a large rubber chicken, random parts of slide, Han Erb, Brennen, and Jon Ansel appeared (also a very confused looking Betsy Hart but as she wasn't very important to this particular story, Christopher said "hello" and sent her on her merry way) as Christopher was trying to get his best friend Fritz to come through, he couldn't figure out why all of his other friends had come through. Turned out that the teleporter had mistaken Fritz's truck for Fritz due to a simple mistake that Christopher had made. He had typed Fritz's R instead of Fritz L and the computer had interpreted this as Fritz's Ride. (We still don't know why Betsy showed up.) Christopher quickly reset the computer and tried again... ZAP!!! Fritz appeared. He happened to be staying up late listening to music in his headphones with his eyes closed when the transfer happened and so he sat there singing along to his favorite songs in a loud off key voice for around 3 more minutes before he realized that everyone in the room was staring at him, and he went quiet. "Well that was unexpected" he said. "Oh hey! I've got the first direct quote in this story! lucky me!" he continued. As everyone just stared at him, Fritz decided that he was gonna be normal from now on, and not do anything unexpected for the rest of the story.
"I have brought you here fritz, because I need to steal a hamburger maker from Micky D's said Christopher. "I made a mistake in calibrating the computer for the teleporter, and so all of these random people came here. I just was barely able to fix it so that you could come here. I think... (Christopher launches into a language of technical jargon so complex that only fritz and Brennan were able to follow.) so anyway," Christopher concluded "I need the hamburger maker for my new spaceship, The enterprise. It is is a vital part of the engine. Will you help me?"
Yes of course everyone would help. As Christopher outlined his plan, the rubber chicken said, "Hello everyone! I am an inanimate object and I'm talking to you. Then it promptly keeled over and died. "Ooookkkaaayyy...." said Jon. Then everyone went back to outlining the plan.

At 3:00am the whole team teleported into the kichen of Micky D's and placed teleporter beacons onto the outside. Then they teleported out and into the engine room of The Enterprise. After they secured the hamburger maker, they started the engine and flew away to buy a few hamburgers from the Restaront at the End of the Universe. By the time they came back, all of a sudden Jon yelled out "Holy fudge cycles! I'm screwed!" Everyone just stared at him. He explained, "My mother doesn't know im out here! I have to get back soon!" "Ok" said Chris, "let me just wipe your minds so that you don't remember any of this." Chris wiped their minds, and sent them back home. Them not remembering any of this, Fritz exclaimed as a song with heavy bass finished, "That was some serious boomage." Han asked his teddy bear (which he had been squeezing quite tightly) "Are you BREEAAATTHING at the moment???" and Brennan suddenly stated the coefficient of the hamburger maker's engine power output, "Quantitative determination of an empirical formula.
Now if that doesn't sound complicated I don't know what does!" Now as none of them rembered any off this story, none of it made any sense and they couldnt figure out why they said these things. Only Christopher knew. And he forgot becuase its the end of the story.